The Top 5 Truths about counseling, therapy, psychotherapy, and coaching in #Tacoma
Top 5 truths about counseling, therapy, psychotherapy, and coaching in Tacoma, WA
You’ve found a handful of therapists you like in Tacoma, WA. You may have quieted some of the butterflies in your stomach if you read the first three blogs. You have some ideas about FAQs and good questions to ask therapists, but you still have some questions. That’s ok, this is important stuff. You are learning all sorts of things so that when you show up to therapy, you feel ready to get started.
You may still be wondering what is really true about therapy? What does research tell us about therapy? Is therapy worth it? Does going to therapy mean I’m crazy? Does therapy actually work? Or even, why do people go to therapy?
Here are a few #therapytruths I think are important to know!
Trauma and relationship counseling truth #1: Research shows trauma can be healed, and safe, healthy relationships are one of the key factors in healing traumatic experiences.
In therapy the words “evidence-based” and “cutting-edge” define either end of the research spectrum. If something is evidence-based, the implication is that a lot of research has been done to show that it works. If something is cutting-edge, it encompasses the newest frontiers of research and is made up of evolving theories. Like a well-balanced meal provides a variety of nutrients, I believe that the best therapies incorporate evidence-based and cutting-edge techniques to provide a robust plan for optimal mental health.
Traditional therapies like CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) are well touted as evidence-based therapies. This can offer a feeling of safety to those entering therapy for the first time. And for some reason, insurance companies seem to love evidence-based therapies. I enjoy using evidenced-based therapies in my practice, but I like to keep in mind that just because something has worked well historically, it doesn’t necessarily mean it is the best practice for today. I like to use an example of a candle or oil lamp. They produce light and can be very effective to help people see. But most people now prefer modern electricity to light their homes. There are a lot of good reasons for this like safety, efficiency, and effectiveness, but if we continue to use candles and oil lamps in our homes because they were evidence-based to be great light producers, we may be missing out on a lot of great features of modern electricity.
So what is cutting-edge therapy? These techniques use the latest discoveries (like the fact that we now have excellent access to brain imaging tools) and newest theories of what works best in therapy (brains can heal, brains are malleable or changeable). There is often not as much research connected to it, because most good research on effectiveness is longitudinal, meaning we may wait 20 years or more to see the results of some studies. This is not uncommon in mental health, or in medical health, such as with medications. There may be additional risks with experimental medications or theories, but in medicine as in mental health, there are a lot of regulations and ethical guidelines that go into creating experimental treatments.
I like to use cutting-edge techniques in therapy too, because I believe that incorporating the newest tools and ideas is a great way to provide optimal mental health outcomes. Candles and oil lamps can be romantic, or useful in a power outage, but I prefer electricity for everyday use, because it works really well. It’s efficient and effective, as many modern, cutting-edge therapies are.
And, getting back to the #1 truth about trauma and relationship counseling: newest research shows that trauma can be healed (the brain is “plastic” or changeable), and that safe, trusting relationships are fundamental in optimal mental health. In fact, I’ve heard it said that one of the best indicators of mental health is to look at the quality and quantity of a person’s social network. Who are you connected to, and how healthy are those relationships? You can do a self-check right now and see what you think? Do you have safe, healthy, trusting, supportive relationships where people see you, actually see you, for who you are, and accept you fully?
Trauma and relationship counseling truth #2: Counseling is worth the emotional and financial investment.
People often want to know if therapy is worth it. As I’ve mentioned before, going to therapy begins with two big obstacles: people want to avoid pain, and our brains are primed to seek quick, easy gratification (sugar, gambling, sex, etc.) The reward centers of the brain and the pain avoidance areas of the brain are loud and reactive. So it’s no surprise that when we think of addressing emotions, relationships, or traumatic experiences (possible pain) and spending lots of money on something that doesn’t provide quick endorphin boosts that sugar, drugs, or thrills do…we might avoid therapy like we avoid other painful things. Often when people feel like therapy has worked one or both of the following factors (which are best indicators of success in therapy) is true:
You feel like you know, trust, and like your therapist.
You want to change/heal/grow/connect/understand.
It takes time to know and trust your therapist. You can start to know (and maybe like) the therapists you’ve found (see my previous blogs!) before you even meet them. Review their sites and public information, read their blogs, schedule a free consultation, and give yourself a chance to trust them. Trust is something that builds, so it’s totally ok to take some time, do some research, and let trust build as part of your therapy.
The second factor, wanting is a big topic I plan to address in a future blog. So check back! But briefly, the human brain is a powerful machine humanity actually knows very little about, but we are learning more and more each day. And what we are learning is amazing! One age-old truth is that “wanting” or “believing” something can have a big impact on what happens. When you want to change, when you believe you can heal/grow/connect/understand, it can have a powerful impact on your effort, commitment, and results in therapy. This is sometimes referred to as the placebo effect. And it is so much more!
So the 2nd #therapytruth has some caveats. Therapy is worth the emotional and financial investment: If you can find a therapist you know, like, and trust; if you are open to therapy working; if you can override the pain centers of your brain and quiet the pleasure centers of your brain just enough to invest your emotional and financial energy into it, therapy is worth it.
Trauma and relationship counseling truth #3: Going to therapy does not mean you are “crazy”.
Top 5 Truths about counseling, therapy, psychotherapy, and coaching in Tacoma, WA find out more at www.counselinginwashington.com
Eek! Is it even ok to say “crazy” or “lunatic” or “unhinged” or “hysterical” or…I could go on. These are heavy words with traumatic histories. Twenty-five years ago when I started my career in mental health the language had improved, but the stigmas were still there. Despite all of the truly painful and horrific effects of the pandemic, one very positive outcome is that people have stopped stigmatizing mental health so much. I’ve spent most of my career trying to de-stigmatize therapy and I’ve seen great strides in the language we use to describe mental health issues (even calling it mental health rather than mental illness is a HUGE change). But the stigma is still there in many circles, and there is still a lot of work to do to normalize mental health treatment.
But back to the truth and one of my firm beliefs: going to therapy has never meant anyone is crazy. Movies and TV and mindless stories have often portrayed mental health issues as “crazy”. But just like we’ve evolved from horse-drawn carriages to automobiles to the forefront of electric cars, our definition and perception of therapy and mental health counseling is evolving. In fact, I often say “going to therapy means you aren’t crazy. It means you know something isn’t working, and you want to figure it out.”. You’ve likely heard the old saying “insanity is doing the same thing again and again and expecting different results”. While I do agree, I think therapy can help to “stop the insanity” by seeing what the pattern is, changing it, and seeing what happens. So going to therapy is one of the best ways to not be crazy.
I jokingly say to my clients from time to time: “lack of sleep is the quickest road to Crazy Town” (because it is and research shows this!!). I also believe that one of the best roads away from Crazy Town is therapy. You are not crazy. But if you feel crazy, it’s time to reach out so you don’t have to work through those feelings alone. Your feelings are valid, and feelings are not facts. So let someone else help you see the space between.
Trauma and relationship counseling truth #4: Therapy actually works.
Therapy works. It works for many people every day. Therapy can heal trauma. Therapy can reduce anxiety. Therapy can pull you out of a depression. Therapy can stop panic attacks. Therapy can stop nightmares, overthinking, worrying, and obsessing. Therapy can improve your communication, relationships, and boundaries. Therapy can help you see yourself clearly. It can help you understand your feelings and emotions. Therapy can help you to think more clearly. It can help you calm your thoughts. Therapy can help you feel more in control of yourself. Therapy can help you accept yourself, your past, your life, and your relationships. Therapy can help you have a better future, a better career, better life, better health, better sex, better….fill in the blank. Therapy works!
Therapy is not the only thing that works, but it can be a very effective tool in healing, growing, connecting, and making meaning of your life.
My heart bursts with joy when my clients come in and look like they feel better. I’ve seen my clients’ faces become brighter, clearer, calmer, happier. I’ve seen my clients dress in clothing that feels good to them, walk with a spring in their step, or show off a new hairstyle they hadn’t felt able to “pull off” before. I can’t contain my smile when my clients tell me that they have naturally started to be more active, eat more intuitively, or talk to their partner, friends, or family about something that has been causing them distress for years! And if I had a butterfly for every time a client of mine has told me they got a raise, a promotion, a better job, a better home, a better relationship, or a better outlook on life…well…I’d have a garden full of butterflies. #dreamlife
I believe therapy works, and I love getting to see it work. I love when my clients tell me they believe it works too.
Trauma and relationship counseling truth #5: Why do people go to therapy? People go to therapy because it works.
I’ve heard people ask “why do people go to therapy?” And honestly, it’s a great question. I always take this question to mean: what happens in therapy. But first, why do people go to therapy? It’s often because they want to feel better, understand themselves more, or make sense of a difficult experience. People go to therapy for a lot of different reasons. I often hear people say they want to go to therapy because it’s nice to have someone to talk to where they get to talk about themselves and don’t have to reciprocate. It can be a lot of emotional work to fully engage in the listening side of a conversation. (Ask me how I know…hehe…therapist joke).
But often I think people go to therapy to be seen. When a therapist says “to be seen” it’s that deeper kind of seeing. It’s not “I see you, nice jacket”, but “I. SEE. YOU. [I see you as you are. And you are welcome to be fully you here.]” I like to imagine myself holding a mirror up to my clients and helping them to see the Them that I see. When you can see yourself clearly, accept yourself fully, and love yourself completely, you can really begin to live an amazing and blissful life. That is why I am a therapist, and why I think people go to therapy. It may look like anxiety, low motivation, or toxic relationships or too much stress, but I help my clients move from that space, through some difficult moments, beliefs and memories, and into healing, growth, connection, and meaning making in their life and relationships.
One of the most difficult parts of therapy is actually starting. It is a big risk, and risk can be scary or painful, especially if you’ve experienced betrayal, abuse, manipulation, control, or other traumatic experiences. I hope this has helped you see some truths about therapy.
Katie lorz is a therapist in Tacoma specializing in women’s issues
I hope this helps you find the right therapist in Tacoma or online in Washington, or wherever you are. If you are still feeling stuck, feel free to call me at (435) 776-5959 for a free 15 minute phone consultation. I’d be happy to hear about what is happening and help direct you to the right person. If you are looking for help with counseling for women, counseling for men, Lifespan Integration therapy, or other mental health resources, you can read more about how I can help here.
